HILLARY GETS SCHLONGED BY WEINER
After a week that had already seen her lead over Donald Trump in the polls rapidly shrinking, Friday’s news that the FBI was reopening its investigation into Hillary Clinton’s private email server was, as purple-haired DNC chairwoman Donna Brazile described it, “like an 18-wheeler smacking into us.”
And what better time for an 18-wheeler to smack into the Democratic Party than 11 days before a presidential election that may alter the course of American history more than any of its predecessors?
Hilariously, the emails that triggered the new investigation were not retrieved from Clinton’s infamously private server, but from the laptop of the chicken-faced serial pervert Anthony Weiner, who is under investigation for allegedly sexting a 15-year-old girl pictures of what is presumably his severely hooked penis. Weiner is the estranged husband of Clinton’s confidante and presumed lesbian lover Huma Abedin, whose father sympathized with the Barbary pirates and supported sharia law.
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